Despair and the God of Hope, 6th Installment, Magpies
May 22, 2009
It was at my personal point of near despair that God did what God does.
We knew that we needed a place to have the kids meet. Forget for a minute that we didn’t actually have any students. We decided to find a farm with a big barn. People around us fell in love with the concept. Quite a few people have some memory of spending a night in a hay loft, or swinging from a rope suspended by a beam overhead. We knew it was God’s idea. It felt right. We prayed about it and now all we had to do was find the right farm, raise enough money and buy it.
In those days Dawn and I spent long planning hours thinking about the barn. We had mental images of our new renovated student space. Even today as I write this, God has not yet “built the barn”. I am consistently reminded of that fact as I look out of our living room window. I look at the same old broken down barn that God provided for us ten years ago. It actually has become a spur to drive us, and a sign to inspire us to continued trust.
Our commitment to reach rural kids with the gospel of the living God was an inspired vision. God fed the fire with encouragement.
We had already spoken for the property in faith. We were sure that God was about to supply us with the needed funds to buy the farm. God had already brought us through a miraculous set of negotiations with the people who owned the farm. They, even though the farm was not for sale, decided that if we wanted to use the farm as a ministry place they would ask fifty thousand dollars less than what had already been offered to them. A promissory note with a payment of a thousand dollars locked in a land contract for the purchase. Now we had four months to raise the first $25,000 toward the first balloon payment.
Four months came and went. We had saved, but not enough. We had planned and negotiated only to have our arrangements fall through at the last possible moment. We were four days from a payment that we would not be able to make.
People in leadership often feel the weight of their words. We were wearing lead coats because of ours. We had made promises in good faith, following a trail that we believed God had laid for us. Now we had nothing. I wish that I could have been spiritual enough to say that I never doubted but that was just not the truth. I was mad. I wondered why God would fake right and go left on us. Was there sin in my life that He needed to whack me for? Had I simply misunderstood God’s intentions? Had I been carried away by my own desire to create a miracle situation for God?
I asked what He intended to do about the people who had trusted us and had hoped in the improbable. We were standing at the edge of a personal Red Sea. Do you know that this spiritual pioneer, me, did exactly what the children of Israel did at their crossroads. I whined and complained.
I had one small glimmer of hope. There was one more speaking engagement just three days before the balloon payment was due. It was a small church, but I was convinced that there was a millionaire in that congregation who would rescue us in our moment of need. If that sounds naïve to you, it was. Desperation makes children of us all. We believe in faith healers at the point of inoperable cancer. We trust miracle cures and get rich quick schemes. We believe that God wants to do big stuff. We will dig through a pile of manure in search of the birthday pony.
I began to preach. I don’t remember what I preached on but I do remember what I forgot to do. Here, in our greatest moment of financial need I forgot to tell people about it. I just preached. As I walked back to the display table I realized that people simply had no idea of our desperation. The crowd thinned and I began to pack up the promotional table. I took my time. I wanted to give God sufficient time to inspire someone. I was devastated.
I remember thinking as I hauled the bin of stuff to my minivan, “How can I explain to my wife that I just forgot to mention our need?” I was obviously the worst director ever.
As I got to the van I heard a man’s voice call my name. I turned to see a man about my age who I had noticed in the crowd. He said, “Hey Doug, my name is Gary. I think what you are planning to do for kids is great. I was wondering, you must have some financial needs don’t you?”
I almost hugged him but wanted to remain in control. I thought to tell him everything so I did. I babbled about how we had planned and saved but despite our very diligent efforts we now needed $25,000 in short order.
Gary paused and asked, “Well, what are you expenses to run what you do every month?”
I realized how stupid it was of me to tell a stranger that we needed $25,000 when all he wanted to do was help. Of course he doesn’t want to write a check for $25,000. How stupid could I be? I also thought, “ It doesn’t matter how much we need per month. If I don’t have the money to pay the balloon payment Crossroads Farm is dead.” I didn’t say that though. I explained that our monthly expenses were roughly $10,000. He nodded his head.
After a second Gary asked if I could come back tomorrow and meet him for lunch. He wanted to find out more about our ministry. I responded that I would. And then he pulled out his checkbook. He looked at me and asked, “So, you are saying that $35,000 will take care of this need and give you a month of operations?” My heart skipped. No that is not what happened. My heart stopped for a second. Was Gary saying what I think he was?
As he started to write in his checkbook, I began to experience the joy that a kid discovers as he locates a pony’s tail in his dung pile. He tore the check off and handed it to me. I tried not to be ridiculous. I casually looked at the check which had the amount of thirty five thousand dollars written in. I cried like a baby. I thanked Gary, jumped into the van and praised the God that I had been yelling at.
I have spoken a thousand times since then. I am sure that there have been wealthy individuals in each of those audiences, and yet I can only tell this story once. God never repeated this scenario. Although there have been plenty of times when the need has been as great, and lots of opportunity to do the same thing, God has never repeated himself. I will never write a fundraising book, because frankly, I am the world’s worst fundraiser. My experience with the God of provision, Jehovah Jirah, is that he takes as much joy in the gift tag as the gift. He has always desired to personalize the provision.
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Crying. God is good and loves to show off when we least expect it!
Great word pictures and details - I was right with you. And, I loved hearing the story of the beginning of CRF.
If you are looking for a proofreader/copyeditor, let me know. I just did it for Laura Loveberry this year. (But, I only noticed a few minute punctuations I would change, so kudos!)
I love this story. I might of heard it before but repeating the emotions and stories of our God doing things more amazing than what our limited minds can imagine….that never gets old and is sooooo worth repeating!!
This is the first time I’ve heard this story and you just can’t make this stuff up… God always shows up in ways we never plan for… Thanks for sharing…
Doug, You have an AWESOME gift of reaching out to others..Your book is going to be wonderful..The way you write and speak; is as if you were talking directly to the person who is reading your writings, or listneing to you speak. Its really good. I can’t wait to read more.
Doug, The narrative is well crafted, highly engaging and thought provoking. I appreciated the play on Churchill’s quote- “Desparation makes children of us all.” The text is moving and has me processing what Christ said about child-like faith.
Looking forward to more…